33 short lessons at 33

 It has been a while since i wrote on my blog. That is due to the fact that in September i decided to go back and finish my  full degree education  in Social Care. I  was in my 3rd year of university in Bulgaria when i left everything there and moved to Ireland. I promised my parents i will finish it here but due to circumstances i couldn't predict I didn't. So far  I have completed only college level  in Dublin so as people say  it is never too late to finish well . Now that the academic year is nearly over i finally have time to go back to adventuring and blogging more.

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I recently turned 33 and reflecting back on my life I decided to share with you some of biggest lessons I have learnt so far in no particular order:

1. Things will not always go as planned   life has its weird ways and even if you feel like everything is going well for you it can change in  a heartbeat. As negative as it might sound   had i been more mentally prepared for setbacks it would have  saved me a  lot of disappointments and worries.

2, Do not take your life for granted  -  that kind of goes to add to my first statement. It was only when me and my son were nearly homeless few years back that i realized i used to take simple things as having a warm bed and food on the table for granted, not all people have that.

3.Give up resentment- Have you ever heard the saying 'Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die?  That is exactly why you should do your best to get over  any times people have done you wrong.

4.Forgive yourself and others-  and let me tell you the more ' others' you forgive the lighter you will feel plus negative emotions show up on our faces and makes us less appealing to people.

5. You are stronger than you think  -  when life puts us in extremely difficult situations its hard to believe  at the time we can overcome them. We   are resilient beings by nature  though and we amazingly manage  quite well when we get caught in  that survival mode.

6.Bad times always pass  -I have had so many ups and downs in my life so far but one thing is for sure  each time something fell apart after a while it all got so much better.  We just need to remember that when are feeling low and helpless.

6.Caring for others makes us better people- I used to be somewhat selfish when i was younger but after having my son and taking care of him predominately alone following my divorce has definitely made me more compassionate and kind-hearted person. 

7.Travel is by far the best education -   i think no local educational system teaches you about life and broadens your common knowledge and intellectual skills than  visiting new places and interacting with people who are of a  different origin than yours. Again i might be biased because i live for travelling.  

8. You don't always have to be right- Whenever i had an argument with someone in the past  I had to have the last say which was quite exhausting most of the time.Pick your verbal battles wisely and learn to respect other people's perspectives. This is something I'm still  coming into terms myself.

9. People will always talk behind your back- they say you will be surprised how rarely people talk about you , well i tell you you will be more surprised how much more than you think they do. Even though I have always been focused on myself, mind my own business and stay way away from gossip, I've come to accept that most people do that and doesn't really bother me much.

10. The only person that needs to believe in you is You-  i  often used to shock my family and friends with some crazy ideas but somehow they worked well for me. I now even tend to stay more quiet about my hopes and dreams because i think what matters the most is me to believe in them.

11.  Confidence is silent- I used to brag a lot when i was younger. Now I've become a little more modest as I've learnt that  I don't really need to prove anything to anyone and as i age I'm less concerned with what people think about me .

12. The law of attraction  works- there is honestly nothing that i have wished for with all my heart and have acted as if i already have it that hasn't manifested in real life. And part of it as i have mentioned in one of my previous posts is because when you radiate positive energy about something people are more likely to assist you in achieving it.

13. You teach people how to treat you -you have power over your actions and what you tolerate and you don't , remember that .If you are not happy with the way someone treats you walk away or set boundaries.

14. Patience is a virtue- i still struggle with  being patient and I'm the type of person that want things yesterday. What i have learnt from it so far  is that it leads to a lot of wrong choices and problems in the long turn so  I'm really working hard to improve that trait in me.

15. You can run from anyone by yourself - When i first moved to Ireland i hated it , i found it boring , the thing was i was very bored in Bulgaria too. You can change the place you live if you don't like something about your current life  , but if you don't do the inner work to resolve the core reasons behind it you will always be unhappy.

16.Social media is addictive and deceiving- Guilty! It has been  a huge part of my life since  i was in high school and we probably all know how much our lives can be influenced by it. Something else important to remember is that just because some people choose to broadcast only the positive aspects of their lives that doesn't mean they don't have struggles and problems, they just choose not to share them .

17.Being alone is different than being lonely-.  I have truly enjoyed spending my time being focused on me and working on my own self -development.  Therefore 'You can not be lonely if you like the person you are alone with.

18.You are already whole -  it is in our human nature to form bonds and attachments and i think relationships are important. However  we don't  want to get together with another person for the wrong reasons such as compulsion , desperation or a need for someone to complete us. 

19.  It is okay to ask for help-   to be independent is wonderful and i used to hate asking for help. I  now have learnt  that is important to remember  that noone is meant to do things by themselves and people are often more than happy to help .

20. Gratitude changes the attitude - from my experience   every time i have been in  a  tough situation it have been exactly gratitude and faith that have had the power to change my whole approach towards the problem and have helped me to deal with it effectively so i can find a solution. It is that powerful.

21. Looks alone don't matter-   that might sound funny coming from a vain person. What i know is that sometimes doors open for us just because of our appearance but if we have nothing else to give to the table we won't be able to maintain it.

22. You will outgrow people - as i have been expanding my self awareness the past few years I have changed tremendously  and have had to leave a lot of friends behind.  It is usually those type of friends who say you have changed too much and  start treating you as a stranger.This part of life is sometimes inevitable and  we just have to get on with it too.

23. Not everyone deserves multiple chances -  i suppose we all make mistakes and we all need second chances but again coming from my own experience many more than that is just wasting your time.

24. Reading is empowering -  I only gained the courage to change things about my life after reading certain books. I now  read to my son every night to try encourage him  to make that a habit of his own.

25. Childhood matter- the way we grew up and the experiences we had back then have a lot to do with the way  we  see ourselves and others around us.  I have  found a lot of answers about myself  from analyzing my childhood .

26.Things don't change unless you do - if you are unhappy with a certain person or situation unless you take actions to change something things will stay the same no matter how much you moan about it.

27. Children don't come with a guidebook-I did not plan my pregnancy and when my son was born i had absolutely no idea how to parent him. I'm sure many other mothers out there will agree. I'm constantly learning about how to be a better mum and be of the best use and help for him  as possible.

28. Failure is great -  As  J.K. Rowling has said we do not get to learn enough about the benefits of failure. For me it has helped me know how to be creative with very little resources and be resilient enough to cope with any challenges that come my way.

29.Family will always have your back - I'm not sure if that goes to say for all families but  my  own have always been there for me even if they have disapproved of my choices. I definitely appreciate them  so much more now than i did when i was younger and i hope i teach my son the same. 

30. Every choice you make have consequences -  i would have thought more about the choices i was making in the past if i had  fully realized  what consequences they would carry. Even for something such as moving to Ireland. I now  try to own my choices  and live the best way i can after the decisions i have made before .

32. You have to take risks - we only understand the miracle of life when we allow the unexpected to happen. It was actually Coelho who said that but i fully agree with him. My life only got better when i allowed myself to get out of my comfort zone.

33. Without a goal you can't score  -  if you want to be successful  , you need to be clear in what you want  and   be able establish how to get it. That itself will lead to your path.

33.Dreams come true - and to conclude , dreams do come true if you have the courage to pursue them and in my 33 years i have fulfilled so many things that i wouldn't even dare to dream of in the past. Each year it gets better and i can not wait to see what  the future holds for me . 

Edendeli

xxxxx

 

The Ugly Friend

I'm sure that   probably  if you know me  or are looking at my photos  you are   thinking ' This girl is far from ugly'. However it wasn't until nearly my 30s that i start receiving more attention from men. All through my childhood and  adolescence  I was always the least attractive of my friends. In fact my closest  best  friends were extremely beautiful  and very popular. Everyone seemed to want to be their  friend or boyfriend and they were always showered with attention.  Me on the other hand  was always  the awkward,  ' what is she even doing here ' one  .

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At a particular stage I was overweight and my legs were covered in a very nasty stage 3-4 cellulite that if i wore a skirt people would point out how gross it looked. If i did manage  to have  boyfriends they would be with me pretty much because i made them feel good about themselves and was good for their ego. I did suffer badly with my self image and identity and in my teenage years i would engage in a  lot of reckless and risk taking behaviour to try mask it.  

The reason I'm writing this post is because if you or someone you know  feels like the 'ugly friend'  I want you to know that is not  a lifelong sentence and there are things you can do to improve your self esteem and confidence.  In fact many girls who are considered outsiders in their early years turn out to do really well and to be very successful in  their both personal and carreer lives in the future.

                                                                        Own it

The  best and most important thing you can do right now is to embrace all of your flaws and everything you don't like about yourself. Just let it be and accept yourself as you are.  Life becomes so much easier and there is such a great  liberating energy  to it when you stop hating on all of your imperfections , face them and start loving yourself. When you  self awareness expands  you learn to feel less insecure. You become confident in yourself and learn to stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard or not good enough to love. When you feel good about yourself you set  the ground to allow the right people to appreciate and love you for who you are too. This just as practicing gratitude doesn't happen overnight and you need to constantly train your mind to redirect your thoughts into thinking about yourself in a positive light.  

                                                       

Explore your personality

 

Ugliness with character is beautiful
— African Proverb

   When you are  the ' ugly friend' and you are considered to be lacking in the physical department , you have a lot of inside qualities to work with and focus on . It is in a way an advantage  as you have time to explore  and  strengthen your  inner personality plus you are skipping through tons of guys who are only after your physical appearance.  You can develop new hobbies,  sense of humour , become witty , smart and /or  have  a really bubbly chatty persona .  

For me approaching people with empathy, being loyal and supportive person was some of the qualities  i adopted. I was there for my incredible good looking friends when they needed me. Even though  I was  terrified to introduce them to my boyfriends because i was afraid they will  start hitting on them which was the case  on few occasions. I made people feel good about themselves no matter who they were .I loved others without needing or expecting the same from them .  I took the focus out of me , start studying  and working in the Social Care field which foundations lie in empowering and helping others. Reading a lot of self development books so i can learn more about myself  and  later explore spirituality and learning to meditate was also  one of the things that  improved my self esteem and  helped lose the need of approval from others. 

 

Become creative with what you have

  No matter what you look like , they are many ways to enhance your features. Nowadays we have access to unlimited resources and I'm not  even talking about wearing tons of makeup , fake tan and lashes that have the power to transform any of us into drop dead gorgeous women. You can simply start by  keeping a good hygiene , using a more suitable for your skin moisturizer, shape your eyebrows . You can startstyling your hair , pamper yourself  every now and then with  homemade  body and hair masks , invest in a nice perfume , start researching about what clothes work better for your body shape. You can improve your posture and  use more accessories .There are so many  small things like that will naturally  increase   your appeal  and make you feel good about yourself .

 Start exercising and eating healthy  

Exercising and eating healthy are a key for having a  positive self image. and  a good  physical and  mental health. I have heard so many people saying that it is exactly being active and having a balanced,full of nutrition diet  that helped them  become happy and confident.  I also find that it  is a great stress reliever and gives extra inner strength to deal with challenges and setbacks in our everyday lives. It helps fight anxiety and depression which  most likely will follow you if you perceive yourself  as the ' ugly friend'.

Exercise is not about losing weight , regardless of what size you are  the feeling of working towards being healthy will reward you with increasing your personal perception of  self attractiveness.

Drinking lots of water and eating food high in potassium such as carrots , sweet potatoes , lettuce , oranges and apricots will help even out your skin tone and give you a natural radiant glow.

I do  believe if i hadn't given up on sports  when i was younger It would have kept me out of trouble and stopping me from  engaging in poor behaviour so don't undermine its importance.

 Stop comparing yourself to others

Last but not least and hardest up to this day thing  for me is to stop comparing yourselves to others. In my days we had our immediate environment to deal with , now we  have  millions of incredible looking girls on the internet to remind us how ugly and imperfect we are. We live in an age of instant gratification.  Our social masks feed off approval . We compare images, try to recreate them and then sweat over how many likes are we going to get. I've been guilty of that at some point too!  The thing is the moment we  turn around and start obsessing and focusing on ' the other person '  is when we lose track of our own path and being. It is a race you will  never ever win and it will make you helpless and miserable.the only person you should be competing against is you . Appreciate other people's beauty and achievements  but don't  belittle and degrade your own. Set goals for yourself and follow them.  Then focus on your own strengths and the supportive people around you and try to remind yourself of them everytime you feel insecure. 

I'm nearly quoting Chopra here but you yourself set the standards of your own worth and your goal is to discover the qualities within you that set those standards regardless of what anyone else thinks and say about  you.  The most vital thing to remember is that it doesn't actually matter if you are the ugly friend or the prom queen. We all get old and that is  an inevitable process. Physical beauty  will fade  but if you  radiate simple unaffected humanity and humility you will be immensely attractive to people no matter what you look like  and how old you are.

                                                                                                                                          xxxxx

Edendeli 

 

How to be happy ?

 Few days ago during a conversation with  some of my friends I was asked  how is it possible to be always that happy and wondered if  I'm not indeed faking that ' happy go lucky ' attitude. It is  always really interesting to hear how we are  perceived by others and it did make me think on what is it that I  do so much that i come across as a very  happy person in general.

.  One thing is for sure there was a time not even long ago when i was sucked in negativity , full of anger and resentment . I would not get into  details of the experiences I've had in the past that made me adopt such emotions  as  that part is irrelevant .  No matter what is happening in our lives , even if  we feel like our world is crushing and we are going through one bad event  after another we have the power to change our situation and the way we feel and think. I will write down below two of the  most important pointers  that helped me transform my thinking and seemingly at the time helpless situation. 

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                                                             Gratitude

You have probably heard the quote - ' Gratitude is what turns what we have into enough' before. That is all wonderful and great in writing  but i know it is extremely hard to feel grateful when you are going through extremely tough times. However it wasn't until i start practicing  gratitude that  I become a happy person which eventually led  to my life starting to change.

I was in hospital with my son and in the food canteen there there  was a books shelf. I was going through the titles of the books and I found onecalled  ' The Magic'  among them .  If you are not familiar with the book it is a sequence of the very famous ' The Secret'  by Rhonda Byrne. The book teaches   how to find and master gratitude in 28 days. Now my post is not going to be about  me trying to persuade you that  The Secret and The Law of Attraction work. 

 It is however scientifically proven  that  in any everyday interactions we have with others, people are more likely to respond in  a positive  approving manner and say  yes to us when  we are asking for something if we ourselves present with positive energy and come from a place of  abundance.   Say for example   we don't have money to pay our rent this month . When we practice gratitude  we  train our minds to find other reasons to be grateful for such as  having eaten today  or if we haven't eaten , that we are simple still  alive. Whatever help and solutions that  might need to be  implemented so we can pay our rent -whether  it would be to get a new  job , borrow money , ask our landlord to allow for  some   extra time , if we are approaching people  with a positive happy  vibe they are more likely to  agree to help  us than the opposite.

Gratitude is about learning to find and  focus on the good things we have in our lives. We  make  gratitude a habit by  starting to pay attention  to and appreciate the  simplest things in life we usually take for granted. Especially in our Western  world small things like having a toothpaste and a toothbrush we take for given are a luxury in many other  countries.

The  real challenge comes when we need to learn to be grateful even for any negative experiences , emotions and people that we encounter in our lives. It might be almost impossible to find reasons to be thankful especially when  dealing with death  and other  similar  painful events or with someone who have done us wrong.  But if  we focus our  minds, dig deeper  and try stay present in the moment i promise  we can find them .  Sometimes gratitude is the only thing that gets us through  tough times and helps us  stay positive and happy regardless of what is happening around us .  . 

Therefore for me learning to still find reasons to be grateful for  and accept  situations  I can't change  is what helps me mountain that positive energy  inside  that people around me  notice. .

Gratitude is not something that happens overnight . We need to constantly train our minds to redirect our thoughts into positive ones  but eventually that does become a habit and a permanent frame of mind.  

                                                       Become a Conscious Observer

To become a conscious observer of our lives is another thing that challenges us to change our whole mentality and previous learnt patterns of behavior. It is more than  just noticing our thoughts and emotions although that is a part of it .  It is about learning to fully detach from our bodies  and  start observing  and analyzing the way we respond and react to people and situations. This is something very difficult as it is very hard  to watch ourselves from the distance without interfering especially as most of us do a lot of things automatically and we miss to notice the real impulses and triggers that lead to certain behaviour.  This a process that comes from learning to be self aware  and by doing so  we learn to respond  to experiences rather than to react to them .

Hidden assumptions and  false beliefs have let me down so many times. There are still  times when i react impulsively but I   did become  happier and more self aware when I started to reflect on my  reactions and emotional state to previous events and situations and analyse them . Reflecting on the core  reasons behind every time i respond in angry and resentful manner is what is helping me build resilience in my mind to notice moments and triggers and try to stop and think before i react. Observing  is what helps me control any negative emotions and stop them from reoccurring. 

Becoming a observer requires us to become  a person in a  neutral state of being . In our everyday lives we seek  emotional satisfaction and stimulation in all possible things.  We get disappointed as people turned out to be not the ones we had hoped them to be. We didn't the job , the promotion , what we do for a living doesn't make us excited  to get up and  go to work in the morning , we  get stuck in  unhappy relationships because we are afraid to be alone and they become the source  of a lot of emotional drama and insecurities. 

I've learned to have little expectations and  let things go when they are not making me happy. But I also sometimes do things to the extremes and this is another thing I've learned about myself by becoming an observer. In the past i used to be really forgiving and accepting of bad behaviour now  I'm able to fully detach  myself  from a negative situation or a person to the point I fully stop engaging in any of it at all  and cutting all communication.

 What we need to remember is that there is always going to be someone that is in a way 'better' than us . Someone better looking than us , who is brainier or more qualified and skilled. We also need to learn to be Ok with that fact and to be okay with who we are . 

Find your passion , learn to be grateful  and  to  be fully present in each moment . Focus on you and learn to gravitate towards those who will keep choosing  only you regardless of having other options and  not  having any interest in chasing after the next  ' better ' of something person than you. I promise you that will  make you a  happier more positive version of you and possibly change the way you see and experience  the world around you . 

xxxxx

EDENDELI

PeNchat

A lot of you have been asking on Instagram about the app PeNchat so i thought i will write down an honest review about it. I start using the app  few months back   after being introduced to it by their CEO and  was left amazed by all of the things it does for the humanity, environment and us as users.  They announced few weeks back that they will plant  one tree for  every ten new users they get  which is not an easy task so i absolutely admire and applaud them for doing that!   It is   the only app that works with or without internet helping people in non developed countries connect with their loved ones for free . PeNchat is not just like a super app that combines features of few of the most famous social platforms but also has its unique attributes  that i will discuss below.

 

PeNchat is an instant  messaging social app that  helps you get in touch with your family and friends  by providing free, unlimited voice / video calls and instant messages to other PeN users. You can download it from Googleplay or Apple store but keep in mind that they only launched for apple users  so for the moment it works better on an android phone. To join and register is simple- you only need   your email or your phone number. If you use a mobile number make sure to put it in the users section  by starting with  + then code of the country then your phone number without putting the 0's in front of it. For example for Ireland that would be +35387134575.

 

PeNchat allows you to win  and gain   PeNneys   by simply using the app. You receive between 1 and 3 for scrolling down your timeline posts  and  from  their lucky draw section you can win between 1 and 100. You can use those PeNneys to make free calls and send text message  to non PeN users  or any valid and supported phone number. When you think of it what other app rewards you for using it ? You can also buy PeNneys but considering how generous the app is you most likely won't need it. You are even given  whole 200 PeNneys when you first join the app. I rang my friend in Denmark yesterday   and for  over 5 mins  of conversation it took around 50 PeNneys for an example.  To call other countries  like India and Korea they only deduct 5 PeNneys per minute. To check how many PeNneys will be deducted to call a certain country  go  to the FAQ  on their website - www.penchat.net .  In addition to all of the above they are giving away amazing monthly prizes such as 2 nights stay in a  5 star hotel in a country of your choice and amazon vouchers when you add the tag #penrewards to your posts.

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The app is very easy to navigate. You have a glance at all of the features in the home area. In the  my Account section  you can write up a headline message , add your picture,  share your current location,  your place of origin , your interests, email  and date of birth. You get  to see how many PeNneys you have earned , how many friends  you have and how many people follow you. 

On your timeline you can post updates such as statuses,  pictures and videos. It is pretty similar to Facebook , other users can like and comment under your pictures and posts but on Penchat you have the advantage of seeing how many people have  seen your posts . You get to follow what your friends are at and share links and videos too.  When you click on the popular field you see the hot topics and updates of your friends and  the communities you have joined  and in the my clique you see all of your own posts.

 

The SPOT /Places feature helps you share your location with friends or spot if they are anywhere nearby. You are spoiled with suggestions  of activities and places to visit  or you would like do some  shopping or  dining. I used it yesterday while i was in Munich  and it led me to  a beautiful spot called English Garden me and my son visited  and a lovely restaurant nearly we had some  lunch before our flight back to Ireland.  As we only had few hours lay over the feature saved me a lot of  time looking on the net for places to visit.

One of my favourite features is the community one. It is a brilliant way to connect with people from all over the world and with folks in an area you are visiting. There is literally one for everyone and for any interest from single mothers to Bangladeshi friends and food in Asia. I created my community #edenroamers where i post travel and lifestyle updates a month ago and right now it has nearly 13 000 users. Use the #edenroamers on PeNchat or on Instagram and i will gladly feature you there :) . 

PeNchat has features that no other  app have yet. These are the SOS and Pulse that helps you and your loved ones   report / locate your location in accidents ,  emergency situations and disease outbreaks ensuring your safety and security anywhere in the world.

The SOS feature  allows you to nominate a team of PeN pals  who will get notified by a SOS message  if you are in the case of emergency, you also have the option to make an emergency call or just push a button to create a scene. I find this feature quite useful for my peace of mind when my son is outside playing or when I'm exploring a new place by my own.

The PULSE feature is one of the latest additions to the app.  It lets you report an outbreak/disease so other users get notified. You can also see various diseases, how many were reported and its heat level. By using this feature when applicable   we can help to potentially saving so many lives especially in countries like Sri Lanka and Yemen where  deadly disease outbreaks are common.

Last but not least they just introduced their lovely support bot Penelope that navigates and guides you through the features. By clicking in the settings option you can choose whether to use it or hide it and in their  upcoming update  it will be conversational/chat capable.

I will just mention here that i was not asked by PenChat to do a review of the app. Just as it has helped me with so many helpful and useful tools  I think you can greatly benefit from using it   Download the app so you can  test all of its feature and help the environment too. 

Links : 

www.penchat.net 

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.penchat.android&hl=en

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/pen-chat-social-personal/id1147737963?mt=8

                                                                                               xxxxx

                                                                                          EDENDELI